Blog: A New Year’s Resolution: Manifesting a Life You’ll Love

By Isa Gucciardi, Ph.D.

One of the biggest hurdles in manifesting what you want in your life is creating clear intentions. When it comes to setting goals, many people have a conscious yes operating along with an unconscious no. I often find this to be true of people who say they want to be in a relationship, but cannot seem to manifest one. These people spend lots of time and money on self-help books, dating services, even therapy, but still find themselves alone.

One client of mine demonstrates this issue very clearly. I will refer to her as Debbie. Debbie came to me after having spent hundreds of dollars on dating apps and websites in her search for a partner. She had been on plenty of dates, but they did not lead to the sustained relationship she was seeking. I asked her if she was sure she wanted a relationship, and she answered with an emphatic “Yes!” Then I asked her what her definition of love was, and she said that for her love was giving everything to the person that she loved.

When I asked her how she felt when she gave everything, she started to answer, “Good.” Then she stopped herself and said, “Actually, I feel kind of empty when I do that.” Then I asked her if it was possible that she did not want to find someone to love because she risked feeling empty if she were to truly love someone according to her definition of love. The answer was yes.

This is an example of a conscious yes operating along with an unconscious no. The task here was to clarify what Debbie truly wanted when she set the intention of finding someone to love. We spent some time examining the source of her belief that loving someone meant that you had to empty yourself out by giving the person everything. Once she recognized the unconscious no, Debbie was able to shift her definition of love and realign her priorities. Within a few months she was seeing someone on a regular basis.

Whether you want to manifest a relationship, dream job, good health, or world peace, you must first begin by addressing any misunderstandings or conflicting beliefs you may be holding toward what you want to manifest. You can do this through a system of inquiry that helps you see and examine the ways you may be blocking manifesting what you want.

You can begin your own system of inquiry by taking these three easy steps. First, you must admit that what you’re doing isn’t working, and stop pushing for it to work. Second, ask what it means to you to manifest your intention, and listen for the unconscious no. In Debbie’s case, she believed that love was giving everything to the other person. And third, once you identify the no, your work is to try to understand where the no and the yes are not aligned. Then you will be on your way to manifesting a life you’ll love.

This article was first published in 2008.