Blog: Ask Isa: Can Depth Hypnosis Help Me Get Over My Breakup?

By Isa Gucciardi, Ph.D.

Question: I broke up with my boyfriend a while ago, but the pain still feels overwhelming. I’m not moving on at all. Part of me wants to be back in a relationship and part of me is relieved it’s over. Can Depth Hypnosis help me get over my breakup and move on?

Isa: What you’re describing sounds like an internal split, where part of you wants to be in the relationship and part of you does not. The tension and lack of resolution between these two parts is probably what’s making it hard for you to move on. Journaling can be a very helpful tool for understanding these two conflicting parts of yourself. For example, you can list all the reasons you want to be in the relationship, and then list all the reasons you are relieved to be out of the relationship. As you do this, the position of each part will become clear.

In my book Coming to Peace, I describe what I call the “Inner Coming to Peace Process.” This is a process of internal mediation where a dialogue can emerge between two divergent parts of the self. Through understanding the perspective of each part, you can begin to resolve the internal conflict you’re experiencing.

For example:

Part One: I want to leave the relationship because I don’t feel like my partner respects me.

Part Two: I want to stay in the relationship because I’m afraid to be alone.

Defining each of the parts clearly and creating a dialogue between them can shift your inability to move forward, because you will begin to understand your motivations on a deeper level. It is important to ask yourself why you entered the relationship, and why you left it. You can learn a lot from this kind of exploration.

If one part of you is reluctant to leave the relationship because you are afraid to be alone, you might ask yourself, “What is it about being alone that I am afraid of?” To better understand the part that wants to leave, you can ask “What are the ways in which I do not feel respected by my partner?” These questions will generate important information about your internal dynamic.

It’s very possible that the relationship you’re currently trying to get over may have dynamics in it that are similar to relationships you’ve had in the past. These dynamics may have shown up in other romantic relationships, or in an unresolved relationship with a boss, parent, sibling, friend or an extended family member. Understanding any parallels between the current relationship and past relationships can show you what patterns of relating you are caught in. When you see your relationship patterns clearly and observe how they are playing out, you can have the power and agency to change them. This level of self-observation and inquiry can transform your internal split into an opportunity for greater self-awareness.

Depth Hypnosis can be a catalytic tool for helping you find resolution with this relationship that you feel so conflicted about. The processes of Depth Hypnosis can help you extract the lessons contained in your past experience in relationship, so that you can apply their wisdom to your current relationship. A Depth Hypnosis practitioner working with the “Inner Coming to Peace Process” can help facilitate this essential internal dialogue between the part of you that wants to leave your relationship and the part that wants to stay. When these parts are able to understand one another, resolution is possible, and a clear and conscious decision can be made.

All relationships offer us an opportunity to better understand ourselves, even if the relationship ends at a certain point. Through reflection and inquiry, long-held patterns can be healed. When these patterns are no longer in play, we can live happier and more intentional lives and create lasting relationships.